Want to uplevel your relationship? Try this 30 day marriage challenge that will increase your relationship wellbeing.
Have you ever fallen prey to the old “one day some day?” It’s when you say you want to do something but never actually do it. “I’ll run a marathon,” – one day some day. “I’ll bake that vegan carrot cake,” – one day some day. Nothing is ever fully committed to, locked in, or ultimately actioned.
And so everything stays the same.
There are key things that can bust you out of the one day some day trap. A deadline is one. A unique opportunity is another. And a challenge is one more.
If you’ve been thinking about upleveling your relationship, but it’s fallen into that pit of “one day some day,” then this is just the thing to get you to take action.
It’s a 30 day marriage challenge, and while I wouldn’t want to bet my house on it, I believe you won’t find a lot of challenges like this out there.
That’s because this 30 day marriage challenge is based on Martin Seligman’s PERMA model of wellbeing, which is a model that focuses on creating a life of happiness, engagement and meaning.
You can imagine that a relationship chock-full of happiness, engagement and meaning would be an extremely satisfying one, right?
This 30 day marriage challenge has activities that connect to different aspects of the model.
What often works for people is to start the challenge on the first day of the month as that provides a natural starting point. Whatever you decide, make a date and stick to it.
Day 1-5: Positive Emotions
Day 1 to 5 are all about experiencing positive emotions together. These range from laugh out loud moments through to experiencing gratitude.
Day 1: Start a gratitude journal and write down what you’re thankful for every day of the challenge.
Day 2: Watch a comedy show together, either live or on tv.
Day 3: Have a game night together or with friends.
Day 4: Rewatch your favorite childhood movie.
Day 5: Write an appreciation letter to each other
(Here’s other ways to show appreciation to your husband).
Day 6-10: Knowing and living your values
Knowing your values and then living them are fundamental to experiencing happiness and alignment. Your values are the foundation of your life AND your own compass. Day 7-12 looks at your values as individuals and as a couple, and how you can bring them to life.
Day 6: Identify your individual values and talk about how they align or differ.
Day 7: Create a list of your own couple’s values. Define what each value means to you as a couple.
Day 8: Create a vision board that reflects your shared values brought to life.
Day 9: Discuss how you’ve lived your values in your daily lives over the last week and make a plan for how you can live in value in the week to come.
Day 10: Choose a cause or issue reflects your values and find a way to get involved. This can be as simple as making a donation.
Days 11-15: Using your strengths
Day 11-14 are about identifying your strengths and then using them in unique ways. When you use your strengths you feel more engaged and in flow.
Day 11: Take a strengths assessment and compare your results – I recommend the VIA character strengths assessment.
Day 12: Strengths spot each other – take turns identifying where you’ve seen each other’s strengths in action
Day 13: Plan a date night around using your strengths.
Day 14: Use your strengths to rethink how you allocate household tasks.
Day 15: Investigate how you can use your strengths to give back to your community in some way.
Day 16-20: Making meaning
Making meaning as a couple is such a fun thing to do – it’s all about brining purpose and significance to your activities, conversations and more – it’s kind of like the glue that sticks you together! Day 16-20 in the 30 day relationship challenge helps bring more meaning to your life.
Day 16: Create a scrapbook or photo album of your shared memories.
Day 17: Decide on a new daily ritual that would have meaning for you both. For example, we have a cup of tea together after dinner and talk. We have also had nachos virtually every Friday night since we moved in together over 10 years ago. That’s a LOT of corn chips!
(Here’s rituals of connection ideas for couples).
Day 18: Plan how you can bring more traditions into your life. This is often easiest to do around key events like birthdays, Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Day 19: Check out this list of hobbies for couples and incorporate a new couples hobby into your life.
Day 20: Have a relationship meeting and make this a new weekly occurrence.
Day 21-25: Finding purpose
Having a sense of purpose enables you to see yourself within the bigger picture, which can also help add to create a more meaningful life. When we talk about purpose, we often think beyond ourselves to what we contribute – like a me to we idea. However purpose doesn’t always mean changing the world in highly visible, lobal ways. Your purpose can be as localized as being a loving and supportive partner.
Day 21: Write your obituary. Discuss what ideas come out that help show your purpose OR Talk about what an ordinary but perfect day would look like. How does this help show your purpose?
Day 22: Delve into your dharma. The idea of dharma is that we have a gift that we bring to the world that is unique to us. Talk about what you think your dharma is and how it might be better expressed.
Day 23: Write a joint mission statement that reflects your shared life purpose.
Day 24: Identify a shared cause or issue that aligns with your life purpose and find a way to get involved.
Day 25: Plan a couple’s weekend where you go deep into planning how you can fulfil your purpose and how you can support each other in this endeavor.
Day 26-30: Accomplishments
Shared goals in relationships are key to achieving many of the aspects discussed in this challenge. For example, you use your strengths when you are working towards your goals. Goals also help you achieve your purpose. The last few days of this challenge are about achieving your goals.
Day 26: Create a shared bucket list and start working toward those goals together.
Day 27: Identify a goal that is important to both of you and create a plan to achieve it.
Day 28: Take 7 minutes to make progress on one of your goals.
Day 29: Sign up for a class or workshop that will help you achieve a shared goal
Day 30: Decide how you will celebrate the milestones along the way to achieving your goals
Bonus 30 day marriage challenge category: Sleep, nutrition, and exercise
Seligman revised his original PERMA model to add a couple of other dimensions, one being optimism and the other being sleep, nutrition and exercise.
Feeling good physically directly connects to feeling good mentally. So if you feel up to it, consider extending your 30 day marriage challenge by and extra 5 days and including these activities.
Day 31: Go for a walk or hike in nature together
Day 32: Take a cooking class that has a focus on whole foods
Day 33: Create a bedtime routine
Day 34: Hold each other accountable to going to bed at a certain time
Day 35: Plan an active date
This 30 day marriage challenge is designed to uplevel your relationship.
Through doing it, you’ll experience more positive emotions, feel more engaged with your life and each other, feel aligned about your life choices, have more meaning and purpose and also be ticking off some goals.
And if you’ve taken on the bonus section, you’ll be feeling more rested, healthy and energized too.
